An Ode to a Twenty Something

One night’s braindrop.

There are Days

There are days when living in my parents’ house will make me feel like a sixteen year old teenager and not a young adult with a college degree

There are days when I feel lucky to have found a job in the industry I want to be in

There are days when I’m not sure that’s what I should be doing right now

There are days when I crave adventure

There are days when I can see me carving out plans for a possible “career”

There are days when I feel like I can do anything

—I can conquer the world

—I can be great

—I can be a creator

—I can fluidly engage with the world who I am

—Feel confident and excited by the unknown possibilities

There are days when work just doesn’t seem so interesting, and I wonder why I’m even doing these things (or not doing them)

There are days when I feel tired for no reason

—Lethargic

—Unmotivated

—Zoned out, tuned out, turned off

There are days when I feel insignificant

There are days when I feel like a no body, falling behind all my peers

There are days when I know there are a thousand things I should be doing, but I’m doing none of them

There are days when I think I’m never going to move out of this house or find a full-time paying job in something I’m interested in

There are days when I need to be out of the house

There are days when that’s the only way I can feel like part of the world

There are days when I miss my college friends and just…college in general

There are days when I feel (and feel I look) like a kid (who doesn’t belong)

There are some days when I feel like I’m part of the hustle and bustle

There are days when I know I shouldn’t let my work define me, but I should define my work

There are days when I am inspired by my peers

—by people I’ve never met

—by something I see or listen to

There are days when I talk with someone else who just “gets it” too

There are days when I can embrace my youth

—forever young,

—and shopping for prom dresses ‘till I’m thirty

—I’ll never look this young again

There are days when I feel like I need to be “successful” in my youth

—whatever that means

There are days when I feel like I can’t and shouldn’t waste my youth because, of course, YOLO

There are days when I don’t feel beautiful

—Pretty

—Confident

—Funny

—Interesting

—Attractive

—Smart

—Driven

—A Do-er

There are days when I don’t want to have to be strong on my own

There are days when I really, really miss our college apartment

There are days when I just want to call you to see how you’re doing, but I won’t

There are days when I reminisce about the what if’s, overthink about the what if not’s, and get stressed on the present what if I’m not good enough’s

There are days when I just get caught up

There are days when I feel not in control

What I need to do is get myself out there into the world, take more agency over my own life, take things one step at a time if need be and get things done.  Think less about whether I’m doing things wrong or right, and trust my gut more.

 

L

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